Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
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I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.