Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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