did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
