I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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