is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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