Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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