this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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