it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
