Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
