how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
