we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
