i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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