I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
