Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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