I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The ass gains better be worth it
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