sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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