my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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