he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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