sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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