hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
