So drunk its hurt
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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