And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His nipple licking is glorious
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