I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
