nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
