I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize