I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
