loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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