K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
