haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
