Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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