If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
