____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
