His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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