Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We left the knife in your bed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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