I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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