cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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