If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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