If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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