It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Someone signed my nipple.
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