I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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