I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
