Pregnant stripper...not hot.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
