hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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