: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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