respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
