Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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