Only a mothe r could love this liver
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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