i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
