I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
