Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
