the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
