So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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