He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
