I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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