Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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