apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.