i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
