Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN