idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well