My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic