she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize